HAPPY NEW YEAR! Happy 2019! ...and 2018 wrap-up


As an artist, I believe honesty is the best policy. I’ve always felt comfortable being publicly vulnerable and giving a voice to those afraid to voice their ailments, illnesses, so-called shortcomings. People are still afraid to talk about mental illness. It’s getting better, a lot better, but still shockingly dismal progress in the obliteration of an unnecessary stigma.

Those close to me know that I suffer from crippling depression. I’m also considered a high-functioning depressive. I get a lot done and most don’t see the suffering I go through. …until this past year (so I presume)…

This is where my 2018 wrap-up comes in. While I’d love to say that I’ve completed another 15-20 pieces this year, it hasn’t happened (unless you count all the small pieces I’ve made). I’m still dealing with the grief of the loss of my mother, as well as the grief of so many other losses that I cannot begin to list here. But the loss of my mother is a big one. Whereas some people assumed that I’d be creating like crazy to unleash the feelings, I’ve crawled into a hole which made creativity very difficult to access. That being said,…

Somehow (mostly because of the help of a few wonderful individuals), I put together a solo show here in Los Angeles within only 14 months after moving here with all of the major family trauma going on and with the experience of a multitude of major losses. It was called Liminal Spaces (click link to get definition and read the short artist statement for the show). It was a success in a good number of ways.

That exposure lead to sales. As a businesswoman, this obviously was a great source of pride. To the outside, it looked like I was doing phenomenally well, while inside, I was in a lot of pain. I have been advised throughout my career to never speak of my suffering with depression, that people will not want to work with me because of it. My own gallery back in Chicago even doubted my ability to bring on a show when I showed them nothing but how amazingly I can get a lot done in a short period of time. They started to get to know me personally and saw how crippling the illness can be for me. But I delivered 15 great large paintings in time for my solo show with them in 2015. How could they doubt me after that performance? (Speaking of performance, I also co-wrote 10 songs during that time for that solo show; as well as worked on my own music and started recording 17 songs with my band). *Point Being — I Deliver.*

Which brings me to my next point, just because a person suffers from clinical depression or bipolar disorder, doesn’t mean they cannot get things done on time, do it better than those without a struggle, and actually soar. It’s just that we have to work extra hard when we do have short bursts of energy and motivation.

I know that my works done in 2017 and 2018 have yet to be posted here. I do need to find a professional photographer here who specializes in documenting artwork… I’m still learning the ropes in the massively sprawling, isolating town that is LA. I’m waiting for the bulk of paintings to come together before undertaking such a project, as it makes sense to do many paintings in one session, rather than constantly doing a few at a time. It’s good to leave this stuff to the professionals. As the saying goes, “If you want to be professional, you have to hire professionals.”

So here’s to a better 2019! I hope to be more creative, experience less grief and depression, and have an abundantly good year. 2018 wasn’t all bad… a good amount of sales came in and the value of the work has gone up. Let’s keep going in that direction, shall we?